Spring is here

It's only natural that the weather started getting sunnier right after I've bought myself a lighter jacket for these winter-spring transmission period. I managed to utilize the knock-off military-green jacket for a whole day before I started feeling sweaty and realized that my deodorant-free days are over for this year. Au revoir winter!

I've gotten so used to layering for so many months that to step out of the house with a single layer of clothing leaves me feeling almost naked. To think that in the midst of winter, when it takes me a full fifteen minutes to get dressed, I was longing for the days when I can leave the house without being weighed down by thermal underwear and coats and gloves and scarves. Now that they're here, I've realized that I have developed a sort of inferiority complex about my body. If felt good to hide behind all that fabric and appear as one enormous bulk of cotton and flannel and wool. The clothes that I wear underneath my coat has become my second skin and I can't bear to let others see it.

It is for this reason that I pray for the temperature to drop so that I can put on my coat again and hide while I go out in the open. It is for this reason that I am grateful to see some other beings similarly bundled up despite the mild weather, even if they are people of old age and probably can't stand anything below 30 degrees.

I still am looking forward to stepping out in flip flops and a single layer cotton kameez. I just need some time to get used to the idea again.

The Coming of Spring

I never thought I'd ever be so happy to see snow dissipate into swirling pools of ice cold water.

Winter term, here I come!

Today I digress from my usual route of objectivity and indulge in a bit of narcissism.

Alhamdulillah, I have successfully completed the fall term at Laurier. Although the three-week winter break was badly needed after the end-of-term deadline rush, I was agog for the start of the next term. I have not felt this kind of excitement to go back to school and I take this as sign that I really have chosen the right direction in my studies. Although, being able to say so with definitive surety does come at a high price.

I have attended university at institutions in two different countries. Both cost my parents dearly and I can't thank them enough for indulging in my uncertain goals. The years that I have spent on studying for the wrong vocation never fails to fill me guts with choleric anxiety. However - at the risk of sounding corny and clichéd - neither one of those places gave me such a thrill to learn as I do now.

I still committedly attend to my duties of a student on a term break - lazing about to the nth degree - but now I welcome the coming of the new term with gusto instead of with lassitude and reluctance as I did in the past. I remember the night before the start of my second term in Australia. I was psyching myself up for the first day at school and looking through my courses and their syllabi. When later I had trouble falling asleep, I decided to call my parents back home. Out of nowhere (at least, no place I can identify) came a torrent of tears and anxiety and heartfelt 'the-last-semester-was-so-hard-I-don't-know-if-I-can-do-another-one'.

This time around, my winter break feels like it's moving far too slowly. I find myself mentally drumming my fingers for school to start again. Now, with only a few more days left of sleeping in, watching TV, gaming on Facebook and reading non-required readings, I still beckon the coming term with frantic waves of enthusiasm.

Winter term, here I come.

Travelers' Guide to the Worst Time to Visit the Falls

get me outta this funk

I've been trying to catch the frost for days now and have successfully failed to do so. I used to be a very light sleeper. Even the 'gembala kerbaus' that frequented my window could easily wake me up. Nowadays I wake up to my mom already clanking away in the kitchen or tapping away at the computer and Kimi already gone for school. I blame the chilly weather. It's caused the comfort level of my duvet to rise exponentially. All the hours I spend on the computer is also making me want to go out walking more and more to burn off some fat. Considering the steadily dropping temperatures, I can safely say that my sudden urge to be active has a rotten sense of timing.

where to now?

The winds are picking up and the chill has settled itself comfortable on the lawn. The autumn hues that greeted my arrival are slowly fading. Leaves are leaving the withering branches and more nests are comng into view, its inhabitants almost done with scampering around for food and spending more time at home. Kak Nani and Abang Isyak have gone home and I've waved goodbye to that ship. Their departure signalled the end of our holiday. Now it's time to get back to business.

I am, once again, unable to make up my mind on where to head for my future. I hate that phrase sometimes. MY FUTURE. Sounds so big and conspicuous and forboding. One wrong decision and I'm screwed for life. In reality getting to 'my future' consists of a million humble little steps that would probably measure up to nothing when accounted on their own.

Give a person the luxury of choice and he (or she, i.e. me) will never make up his mind. So much to choose from, so much time to spend ruminating on the choices and such heavy consequences weighing on each one. How, oh, how is one to choose?

The winds of change are pulling at my sleeves and I have indecision holding my feet firmly to the ground.

Toronto Day 1

Yup, the weather's sufficiently cold.

Jetlag's wearing off.

Raya's here.

All's well.

P.Ramlee says : Selamat, selamat Hari Raya...