.
I place myself in front of the pc, poise my fingers over the keyboard, take a deep, deep breath, close my eyes briefly,
and bring my fingers down with a torrent of words for this week's entry....
And I am sadly disappointed.
By myself.
I wish I could write like Amy Tan and Johanna Krintiensen, reflect on the simple miracles of life called relationships, share it with others and make an enormous impact in other people's lives.
Well, maybe it's a bit far-reaching, but I used to write a lot, words seemed to spill out of me with no regards towards what others think and how they might judge me for it. It was a joy to see in words what I had swimming in my head.
Now nothing comes out without consent from the observing public. Nothing goes uncritisized.
When did I become so intent upon satisfying others, all but myself, my want, my relish? When did I become so concerned about being judged, now, later, for what I choose to express about myself, for expressing myself?
It must be this environment I am in. The walls restict me from roaming far from what is reality. The windows gives me a narrowed glimpse into what could be, but never how. The cold floor remind me again and again that there are those who will not approve of this verbal tantrum.
I wish I was in Aryani. The beuatiful idea of the little timber house all to myself. No one to bother me with their unasked-for opinions, nothing but the lone pot o' bougainvilla on the verandah to keep me company should I ever get too lonesome, if ever. The timber floors gives me all the space I need, the sea breeze fleeting through the window, lifting my hair of my shoulders.
What bliss......
I've forgotten how much I miss the company of my friends,
even the most casual ones.
I couldn't help getting a bit reminiscent,
going through the gates of UTM.
Reflecting on the good times and better times,
and how they can never happen again.
Me, Anum and Echa stopped at the Pasar Rabu,
Got some jagung bakar and some drinks,
Sat down by the lake to watch kayakkers,
Happy couples and day-time buddies,
Had some fun playing hookie,
While the sun goes down, in muted beauty.
It's been a perfect day.
I'm feeling rather ragged.
I'm feeling rather rough.
I'm looking like I stayed up late,
and didn't sleep enough.
I went to sleep at bedtime
and dreamt all through the night,
but when I woke this morning
I was feeling far from right.
For though I drifted quickly,
and slumbered long and deep,
I'm totally exhausted
'cause I dreamed I couldn't sleep!
--Kenn Nesbitt
I am young, therefore I think.....
There is no half-way-state,
Everything is in black and white,
Something is either wrong or right,
If it is wrong, then it should never happen,
One either have principles or you don't,
If one does, there's no reason not to live by them.
I am young, therefore I think.....
Parents are actually not perfect,
They make mistakes (despite everything they've learned)
Mistakes which I will NEVER make,
They make bad choices sometimes, (often out of trying to do the best)
I would never make the same choices they did,
Any choices I've made will be better because I've LEARNED from them.
I am young, therefore I think.....
My parents are the strongest,
After all they've been through to keep living, and living it well,
My parents are the wisest,
For all the wisdom they have and choose to reveal when the time is right for me to learn,
My parents are the most patient people,
For putting up with my passionate arguments that are often lacking in experience.
If I were a sponge soaking up the colours of their love, I'd be dripping rainbows rite now.
What is this curse of coming to consciousness that plagues me(and, hopefully, every other human being) every morning?
Awake = predict. Adj. aroused from sleep, ~ to, aware of,
Asleep = adv. & predict. Adj. 1. condition in which the eyes are closed, the muscles, the nerves, etc. become relaxed 2. (of the arms and legs) without feeling (as when under pressure)
WAKING UP = a half-way-place where you know you’ve had enough and that it’s time to get a move on but at the same time it also makes sense to drift off and continue to indulge in that delicious, mysterious and illusive thing called SLEEP
::friendly colours::
Kak Ila's shot
I'm posting my first blog
it takes baby steps to build a good one,
....or so I was told.
I'm opening my labrynth of emotions and thoughts
to strangers and, much worse,
to people whose opinion matters to me most.
...baby steps to not caring.
I was told....
Allah answers prayers in three ways :-
Allah says YES and gives you what you want
Allah says NO and gives you something better
Allah says WAIT and gives you the BEST in good time...
how true.
now that I have that wisdom,
all I need is the patience.
Godhelpme.....
