May 13, 2010

The High School Diva

What am I to think when my old high school's diva decides to get chummy with me? I'd be skeptical and somewhat suspicious if she were simply attempting to reconnect after over ten years apart. However, given the fact that we never even spoke to each other at school, I am downright baffled. It took me a while to even respond to her "Salam. Pekaba?". Of course, after several borderline awkward exchanges that spanned over several painful weeks, her motives for contacting me became clear. Her intentions, now that they are clear, are no surprise to me. However, I will not discuss them here as they are hers alone and I am no one to judge.

It goes without saying that she was not exactly my favourite person at school (I mean, I call her the 'diva' here for a reason) but I did my best to put the past where it belongs and behave like an adult (that I hope to be). I might have let some sarcasm past my guard but I think I did a pretty good job at being civil. I know this because she saw fit to pour her heart out to me after our third or fourth conversation. (Another matter which I cannot discuss here since I assume they are private).

And this is where I make one of my stupid mistakes.

I agreed to meet up with her when I come to Malaysia for a visit. We exchanged phone numbers and I promised to give her a call - as soon as I land, none the less. She wanted to 'catch up', talk about her life and how her current state could be changed. Up till now, I still can't explain what it was that compelled me to offer my shoulder for her to cry on. We had nothing in common then and, upon viewing her profile on Facebook, I'm convinced we still exist on different planets today. Meeting up with her will be, at best, awkward. It will be at a place I don't want to be, at a time not commodious to me and among people I am absolutely uncomfortable with.

Naturally, it took me several days to realize this and regret my actions. I took the coward's way out and stopped responding to her messages. But I suspect I will call her because, having made the promise, I will feel like scum if I don't. I think she's completely oblivious to the internal conflict that I'm suffering through right now.

(Darwin, if you're reading this please be assured that I'm not talking about you.)

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