This Grief Is Private

Random rambling #13

This grief is private....do not enter.

Approaching midnite with the lights out and I still can't bring myself any closer to facing the facts/truth/ugly truth or whatever. How often do you do this - keep expecting something to be when it's plain and simple that that something will never be as you want it. And yet you keep hoping that it might for the simple reason that the facts/truth/ugly truth would hurt too much. In fact, it would hurt so much that the pain of carrying on this silly charade while getting disappointed each time seems puny. How often do you wish there was a fast-forward button that would help you skip any painful episode that will undoubtedly surface? How often do you wish that life could be just like in the movies where one can cut from crying in one scene to another where one is already walking in a park with an optimistic smile steadily making one's way towards recovery? How often do you wish that you could communicate every pathetic detail of your dilemma without having to utter a single word? How often do wish that you could just BLANK it all out? I do. All the time.