Colour Me Clueless

It's a few minutes past midnight and I can hardly close my eyes. I've just had a final discussion with my dad and we've decided that I should go for it. Of all the momentous decisions I've made in my life thus far, this one in particular has kept me up nights the most. I'm excited at the prospects of pursuing my life's passion.

But.

It scares me witless that I am leaving the field that I've been immersed in for the past seven years. ( I can't believe it's been that long!) And I probably won't have anything to show for all those years of toil. I can probably psyche myself up for one final year but I'm worn out from the struggle to do well at something that I clearly have no aptitude for. It is probably wiser to stick to something that I am thoroughly familiar with, passion or no passion.

But.

All the years of watching Oprah and real life-changing stories has taught me that it's never too late to make a change. (Take that principle to another level and it's never too late for anything, really!) So now I'm going to make the first tentative step into a field I have no knowledge about but has been a passion all my life.

But.

I'm paralysed with fear, at times, at the thought that I might fail again. My reason for leaving architecture is because it's never been my passion. I was divided as to where to head for my future when my sister came back from her first semester and told me how exciting it was and I thought, heck, I can manage that. Writing's always been my passion since childhood. It's something I've always excelled at. Somehow it never crossed my mind to seriously pursue it. Rather, I never had the guts. This is something I'm passionate about and if I fail at it, then what? I'd be beyond devastation.

But.

Someone reminded me that failing is good. That this is something I am good at. It's the one person who saw right off that this is the right decision. (Boy am I glad to still have friends like that!) My mom was cautiously encouraging. My dad was initially reluctant but I know he's mostly concerned about my future well being.(I must have gone through a dozen vocations before finally settling on architecture.) I'm so blessed to be surrounded by such smart, supportive and loving people. I'm so blessed to have God on my side, i'Allah.

So here goes nothing.