Nov 19, 2007


I was browsing through my sister's wedding photos when I came across one of her. The camera caught her unawares when she happened to look up so she had a somewhat dazed expression on her face. At that moment I felt nothing but sadness for her. She's been showing early symptoms of Alzheimer's for a while now. I kept thinking of how confusing everything must seem to her. How nothing makes any sense anymore. I wish so much that I could be by her side making things easy. Right now I'm overwhelmed with guilt that I'm a thousand miles away chasing my dreams and she's a thousand miles away, ailing in old age. She's surrounded by people who care for her and are fully capable of looking after her well being. But still, there's no way to justify my absence from her side. Now the wheels are set in motion and I'm headed in a different direction from home. Worst of all, I'm afraid I don't have the guts to simply drop everything I've planned for my future and return to her side.

Mok, I miss you so badly right now.

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