Simple pleasures

It's day 14 back in Canadialand. Yes, I'm still counting the days to remind myself of lessons learned.

I draw pleasure from simple mundane things these days, like Popeyes fried chicken for example.

In my two-and-half months' stint as a jhr intern in Ghana, I only ate meat once. (Well, I might have unknowingly ingested bits of meat on several occasions, but I only knowingly ate meat on one occasion and it was halal.) Consequently, I not only craved meat in general but I also longed for the greasy, MSG-laden crispiness of Popeyes fried chicken. So when Abah suggested we break our fast at the only Popeyes outlet in Brantford, my head automatically bobbed up and down in agreement.

Now, fast-food-chain fried chicken is hardly our typical Ramadan feast. But then again, I’ve been lucky enough to see happiness in people who have a lot less than I do (to say that they have nothing at all would be a gross exaggeration, if not a sign of ignorance). I’ve seen people carry heavier loads, walk farther distances and endure hotter suns in a day than I have had to endure in my entire life. I find it a little bit harder to complain about things now. Too bad I had to go on a $5000-internship half-way across the globe to learn this but I suppose every lesson has a price.

As I write this, I can’t help but see how inconsequential this seems. But then I remember feeling absolutely contented on the drive home from Popeyes; the most important people in my life are alive and well, I’m doing what I love most in life, my belly is full and I have a home to go back to. My happiness is the sum of little inconsequential parts and I’m thankful that I have the capacity to recognize them. I hope I stay this way.

The sun made a beautiful display of receding elegently behind the funeral home across from Popeyes as we were leaving. The day couldn't have had a better ending.

Welcome, Ain Zahara

The past week's hectic schedule, the result of Mama's absence, has been tantamount to this. After hours in labor, Kak Nani finally delivered our little first flower safe and healthy.

Welcome home, little Zahara.

I look forward to meeting you in person.




Love, from afar,



Kala Lin.

Farther Apart, Closer at Heart

My family, immediate and extended, are going through a growth spurt. There was a pacific lull while all my cousins, including myself, were busy with school, varsity and then onto the shores of the Malaysian workforce. Then all of a sudden, within a few months of each other, they started getting married, one after another. Then, of course, the married ones began to actively procreate, my sister included, myself excluded. The pattern of reproductivity was so strong and contiguous that it almost seemed like an epidemic. When one of my cousins, the first one hitched, gave birth to a baby boy I could almost see the entire clan physically leap into a new phase - a phase where motherhood is a norm and organizing another wedding is simply a matter of repeating the previous one with minor adjustments here and there. We keep in touch through emailed baby pictures and the usual 'Oohs' and 'Aahs' over cute baby feet and adorable baby tooth-less gums. It was while we were drooling over baby-drool that I realized I have had very little to do with this new addition of the family other than to gaze at his photos. In other words, we're strangers to one another. This realization stood in contrast to the fact that my cousins and I practically grew up together. Suddenly there are these tiny little indivuduals appearing in this little circle that I've grown accustomed to. Now my sister's about to have one of her own. Since we're thousands of miles away, any relationship I would have with the baby will be through pictures. Here is a person who came from the same gene pool as I did and we're going to be total strangers. Now that is something I find to be quite strange.

Raya Blues

Raya Blues

End of the first day of Eid at home. Almost got off to a bad start with Mama ringing her alarm a little too early in the morning. But things got off just fine after that.
The ketupat was a bit of a disappointment, the kuah kacang was spectacular, the nasi tomato and ayam masak merah rendered me speechless.
I have to admit, the only thing significant today was the change in food. We didn't see the need to extravagantly do up the house, just some extensive cleaning. While we watched TV and waited for the menfolk to return from Raya prayers, I sensed an air of sterility in the living room. Thanks to Kak Nani's polishing and scrubbing. The delicious smell of food is accredited to me!
We pushed off to Mak Chak's house. All of Feizal's siblings were there except for Bai Ali. Kak Syikin surprised me by asking about my plans to study in Australia. I've only met her once before, when she was pregnant with Tasya. We went on to a very nice conversation, one that regrettably ended due to too many people in too small a space. I still regret not talking to her more. Her little girl Tasya is an absolute doll. I was also quite happy to see Bai Fadzil, I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it was his jubah and nondescript white kopiah that made him appear humble, more approachable for a conversation, although I didn't quite like his somewhat detached wife.
We moved on to auntie Jah's house, where another overwhelming welcome awaits us. How and why my parents came to be such close friends with her and Uncle Hashim is still a little foggy to me. But I can see that auntie Jah adores my mum like a sister. Sadly, I do not think that the ties bonded now will continue to live between her children and my siblings. While our parents are tight, Kak Nani and I hardly know auntie Jah's grown children. There is promise of a remedy for this, provided I enlist the help of auntie Jah's son, Hatta, when I go to Brisbane next year.
I'm still fervently praying for that to come true this time.
Some of auntie Jah's relatives arrived while we were there. I was touched to see how she persuaded my parents to stay longer, even then. These are precious friends, indeed. Suddenly, I feel urged to continue the ties for my parents' sake.
We finally drove home at four pm, with everyone asleep pretty much all the way home.
It's been a simple and quiet Raya this year, today.

Daddy Dearest

I'm so glad my dad's gotten his health back. He got so sick, I started to get worried.

Not for no reason, too. For starters, my dad almost NEVER falls sick. But he did as soon as he got back from wretched Singapore. And he stayed sick for almost a week, and kept getting worse. I had a sinking feeling that the cold he was running might actually be something serious. Some underlying illness that's been repressed for too long. Being my paranoid self, I started imagining the worse scenario.

What if it was cancer?

What if he *gasp* passed away? (Na'uzubillah...)

What if..what if...

Selfishly, I wondered on how his absence would affect my future. I would definitely have to postpone any and all of my plans for studying abroad, or even studying at all. I'll work to help support my mom support the family. We'll probably have to sell off one of our cars and move some place cheaper. Maybe back to Sungai Petani, where life's easy and the people are great. I could consider earning my degree through SPACE. That way, I can study and earn a living at the same time.

Hmm...not a bad plan.

But then, my dad's fine now. Turns out it was just a sensitive nasal tract, which gets irritated very easily. Thank God. Alhamdulillah.

I may complain about him a lot, but my dad is everything to this family.

I thank God for reminding me of that fact.